My faith life

Back when I was younger, I think I was kinda depressed because I didn't quite understand why God put me in this situation. I kept on saying that I wanted to die and go to heaven. Not realizing that if I actually would have done it I would go to the burning place instead of being with Jesus (which is what I really wanted). My mom would cry every time I said that. Now if I look back on that, I think that is probably the dumbest thing I said in my entire life. Even though I still think I'm not good enough for God sometimes, at least it doesn't consume my mind like it used to. Most disabled people learn how to adapt to their situation. In fact, I learned how to put on my clothes on the floor. I think that suicide is never going to be the best choice because all it does is set you up for more pain. Sometimes I would get sad because I heard a song on the radio, like "Hallelujah", "Silent Night" or "Over the Rainbow". To me, for some reason, those songs seem so sad. It took me about eight years to listen to those three songs without getting emotional. The biggest challenge I will have is to never loose faith in God. This also applies to able-bodied people too, especially when they're in college. This is why I'm definitely going to a Christian college. Later on in my life, I became addicted to praying. I felt like I had to pray every night in order to satisfy God. I also had some prayer cards on the wall beside my bed but eventually my mom took them off because I kept on startling and would accidentally grab the cards off the wall and poke myself with the taks. The reason why I like to pray at nighttime is because it's quiet and I'm alone with God. The problem with praying at night is that sometimes I will start a prayer and then I fall asleep in the middle of it. If I could rate my prayer, I would rate it a seven out of ten because my vocabulary isn't the greatest and I get distracted a lot. Even after the confirmation retreat, I still don't pray as much as I used to and I'm totally okay with that because the amount of times I used to pray every night is really ridiculous. I would pray up to ten times a night! I guess I'm a work in progress.

What I learned from confirmation is that you don't have to do something extraordinary to enter the kingdom of heaven. Jesus is only asking us to be nice, that's all. And if you want to give something you have to somebody who doesn't, don't do it because you want to look like you're a generous person. I consider that being prideful and really you just counter-acted the good deed. Do it because you feel that it is the right thing to do. The second thing I learned, Jesus is always going to be by your side but you have to accept Him into your life because He will not force himself upon you.